Bouncing Back From Disappointment: Christina Katz Weighs In (and GIVEAWAY!)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011 
UPDATE: I'M CLOSING THE CONTEST AT 6PM EST, SO IF YOU WANT TO ENTER, DO SO BY THEN! I'LL POST THE WINNER BY FRIDAY!
Very excited to welcome my friend, Christina Katz, here today! Some of you may know Christina from her site, THE WRITER MAMA, in which she gives all sorts of writing advice and coaching, including amazing advice on building your platform - a topic on which she has become a go-to expert. Today, she's offering an excerpt on bouncing back from disappointment from her new book. SHE'S ALSO GIVING AWAY A FREE COPY OF THE BOOK, SO DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE A COMMENT ANSWERING HER QUESTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POST!
I'll let her fill you in on the rest! You can keep up with Christina on her site, pre-order the book here, and on follow her Twitter:
Disappointments happen, even for the most seasoned writers. But your depth of character over time is ultimately what folks will remember. The following advice is taken from the forthcoming book, The Writer’s Workout, 366 Tips, Tasks & Techniques by Christina Katz (Writer’s Digest Books, December 26, 2012).
Temper Your Disappointment
The worst thing a writer can do is wear his disappointment like a badge of resentment. That is the first thing other people notice about you and the last thing they forget. You want, instead, to become the writer who bounces back from disappointment, stronger and wiser. Respond to disappointment with poise and dignity and remember that no one can take anything from you that is truly yours.
For writers, disappointments exist on a spectrum. You may become disappointed as a writer because you had unrealistic expectations and those illusions were dashed. Maybe you are having trouble getting published, or you got published, you thought, but then something went awry along the way. You could lose your agent or your editor, or your publishing company could go under or get reorganized.
Disappointments can be avoided in the future by staying detached from any outcome. Let’s face it, if you could change the outcome of a major disappointment you would. But when you can’t, and usually you can’t, there is nothing else to do but accept the loss, put it in perspective, and move on.
Just because something unfortunate happens, you are not a bad person. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Just like with anger, a major loss is something that needs to be processed emotionally. You’ll need to be able to talk about your feelings freely with folks who respect your privacy and are supportive. Trust that with time and adequate support you can get through anything.
I have seen writers experience disappointment and then bounce back so strongly that it makes you wonder if a little disappointment now and then might not actually be good for us. What you want people to remember is what you did next. You don’t want them to remember your temper tantrum. Speak up for yourself, act in your best interests, but respond with class and dignity, as best you can, no matter what happens.
Press On
What’s at the center of your writing career?
I call it your “espresso.” Your espresso is what you are innately good at, how you do things, and ultimately, what you contribute.
And how many different drinks can one person make with an espresso shot? Plenty
For example, instruction is at the center of my writing career. That means the part of my work that I value most is the instruction part (often this is in written form but not always because I instruct in other ways, too).
If I were Starbucks, instruction would be the beans, and I would grind them, tamp them, and squeeze energy through them. The resulting espresso would be something I could teach.
I have instructed with articles, stories, books, workbooks, curricula, websites, e-books—the list continues to expand. Since my ability to instruct is limited only by my imagination and choices, I have pretty wide options of how to proceed.
My espresso is instruction because I am primarily a how-to writer. I am not saying I will never write anything else in any other way. I’m simply saying that I have a tendency to offer instruction. Know what I mean?
The onus is always on you to make good choices with what you offer—to mix the best of what you offer with other things that make what you offer more substantial.
You are looking for the best ways to serve up what you offer vis-à-vis your topics, your audiences, your time, and your publishing partners.
Long story short, when you start to offer something specific repetitively, things in your writing career start to become very interesting.
Seek Variety
I am certain that focus helps new writers move forward, complete projects, and follow through with goals. But I’m also sure that variety is what has kept my writing career going, when it would have crumbled right alongside me, if I’d had to do the same exact thing every single day.
Ask any professional writers you know, and I can bet this is what they spend much of their time doing: updating databases, buzzing upcoming events, pulling old content into articles, creating a new presentation, and brainstorming their next book. They are also likely communicating with other writers, editors, agents, and publishing insiders.
They are probably making decisions that will affect their future, running a business, and keeping themselves entertained while they do busywork.
Writers rarely do the exact same things every day. Writers today are cottage industries, of sorts. You are the talent, the idea person, the troubleshooter, the coach, the taskmaster, the producer, the trainer, the accountant, or whatever else you need to do on any given day.
The mutable quality of a writing career allows it and you to grow and thrive in directions that may have otherwise gone unexplored. If you only do one thing, you might feel crabby if the economy starts to tank in a way that tips income away from you. Change is inevitable; very few people write and only write in the present world. We are living in the gig economy now, we may as well face it.
But the good news is, you don’t have to be merely a freelancer. You can be a creative.
You can script your own career. You can write the soundtrack, the promos, and the copy.
You can write talks, curriculum, bios, blog posts, and workshops. Despite how it may appear from the outside, you can be fairly consistent in the variety of things you do over time, in any combination that works for you.
Author Marc Acito embraces the “What do I want to do next?” kind of quality in his career that I think we all need to embrace. His career is growth-oriented. So far, he has been an opera singer, a novelist, a playwright, and a songwriter.
I was born to be Christina. Marc was born to be Marc. And you were born to be you. What kind of unique trail are you going to blaze?
CHRISTINA IS GIVING AWAY A COPY OF THIS AMAZING ADVICE-FILLED BOOK. TO ENTER, PLEAS ANSWER HER QUESTION BELOW: What is at the center of your writing career? Please summarize as descriptively as possible for a chance to win a copy of The Writer's Workout.
Reader Comments (24)
That's a really interesting question! I would say dialogue is at the center of my writing career. I love crafting dialogue, and I feel like I'm pretty good at it, which is why I've been able to use that skill in many different media: books, TV, screenplays... and all different genres of each.
I love Christina's attitude in this post, and I believe she's dead-on. We hamstring ourselves when we make our focus too narrow. The beauty of writing is we can do it in so many fun, fulfilling ways. Her book sounds terrific, and I look forward to reading it!
Great question! I think the center of my writing is understanding human behavior. I'm a therapist by training, so I am always interested in exploring why people do what they do, and what motivates them to change their lives (or why they don't want to change!). In my writing, I hope this is reflected in my characters and how they relate to each other. The difficulty I face is making sure I don't stray too far from a good story or plot in my eagerness to develop interesting characters.
What a great way to think about writing--what is my espresso? I have spent the past few years trying to figure that out. After yet another failed NaNoWriMo, I think I can safely say NOT FICTION!!! :D I think my espresso is personal narrative, ground up and tamped down into devotional writing for the Christian market. It is where my writing speaks to people. I really wish my beans were fiction beans, but writing fiction doesn't bring me the joy and peace that personal writing does. So thank you for this image! It will certainly stick with me.
I've been told that my strong writing points are historical descriptions and food descriptions. I guess then that food and the historical aspect, not history itself, are my best spots. I write mostly nonfiction, with an memoir in progress. On the rare occasion I will pen a poem or two, mostly rhythmic.
Thanks for these responses, ladies. I can see the spark of future writing power in each of these comments. Rather than interrupt each person's process, I would love it if you would each continue to think about your "espresso" throughout the day, and consider how you might amplify it in your daily writing life. Please spread the word about the discussion if you get a chance! The more the merrier!
Christina - I love what you said about disappointment. I don't know if it's possible to completely detach yourself from an outcome because writing tends to be a very personal thing, but I think having realistic expectations in the first place is helpful. I also think that knowing how to handle the disappointment is what counts. When I gave my second draft to a few trusted people to read and get their feedback, I tried to mentally prepare myself for negative feedback. But when one person was particularly harsh (but truthful), I felt completely deflated and a little hopeless. But instead of giving up, I took the time to really process her comments, and after taking a few weeks to distance myself from the sting, I got really excited about incorporating her feedback into my next draft. There's something to be learned - and gained - from every disappointment!
Emotion is the center of my writing. I find that the thing that stands out to me when I'm interviewing someone is their emotion...and I try to draw that out in my stories. It's what interests me and I hope interests others.
Hi Christina, thanks so much for the "food for thought."
I believe what is at the center of my writing is my own life experiences. My experiences have brought me so many gifts, even when the events themselves were not always happy ones. Writing is the way I process and integrate significant experiences into my own growth, and as I create descriptions or stories that incorporate some of my life, I hope to pass on some things I have learned while living through and reflecting on those events. Even when the story seems to be about other people or made up characters, I believe as writers we all draw from our lives as we seek and share the universal, and attempt to create an instructive, artful, and pleasurable reading experience that will live on in people's consciousnesses and contribute to their lives.
For several years now, the center of my writing life has been dogs ... the border collie at my feet, in particular. For me, however, it's more than that. I know people roll their eyes and think "crazy dog lady," but when I work with and write about dogs, it gives me the chance to tell stories about communication and teamwork, trial and error, success and failure.
P.S. If it's the same Marc ... I believe we went to school together at Colorado College. Small world!
I know that through sharing vulnerability, I encourage others to take life-giving risks. I want to share with moms to challenge their fears and move on to accomplishments.
Dialogue, understanding human behavior, devotional writing for the Christian market, descriptions, emotion, life experiences, dogs, and taking risks! Isn't this a compelling list?
Allison, I would love to hear what you feel is at the center of your writing... :)
Love for language and the human condition is the heart of my writing career. When I am not writing regularly, it's like there's a cog missing, I clunk through the day with no direction. Playing with words to create beautiful images is my passion, along with sharing writing tips and woes with other writers. I consider myself lucky to call myself a writer.
I think authenticity is at the heart of my writing, particularly my essays. They come from such a true, honest and sometimes raw place that people can make a connection whether or not they've shared that particular experience.
My daughter is the center of my writing career. Whether I am writing about hearing loss and cochlear implants or life as a newly single mom, my best ideas come from my life with her. And I write for her, too. My journals will tell her of our life together, who her family is, where she came from. The money I earn from my writing helps provide for us, and my writing shows her a different kind of career, in which she can be her own boss and do something she is passionate about.
Thanks, Christina and Allison, for a thought-provoking post!
Interesting question! I don't know that I would have thought about this unless someone asked me in exactly this way. The center of my writing life is my ability and desire to connect, connect, connect. I can tie what happens to me, my son, or others I know to the bigger picture. I'm always working to put the ordinary of everyday life into the larger context of human experience or history. I seem to be good at connecting things that aren't always obviously connected and revealing the threads that tie all things together. One of my favorite essays is about humans' history of worshipping the sun and sun gods and it led me into telling a story about one of my college students and his own discovery of the sun god within himself.
Thank you for this post. I'm looking forward to getting the whole book!
The espresso metaphor is a brilliant one; it made me think about this question in a whole new way. Thank you.
I am still trying to figure out the center of my work, but I suspect it has to do with answering the questions "why are things the way they are, and how did they get that way?" The personal essays I've had the most success with are ones where I try to put an experience I have had in context, and understand why that thing was that way and not another. The little fiction I've written has generally been about an idea having to do with society and how it changes people's lives as a consequence, and how they think and feel about it (and hopefully the reader also implicitly compares with the 'real world'). And the historical research and writing I do is all about answering why that way and not this other way, as well. Maybe the short answer is: my writing is about explanation.
It's funny, though; sometimes what you think is your center is not what other people see as your center. Sometimes that's because we are blind to our own best attributes, but sometimes that's because we've written too much of what we think other people want to read, and not what we truly are/feel. How do you know the difference? I'd love to hear what other commenters think about that.
The center of my writing is my desire to help others. Whether it's through a helpful article, a blog post promoting an author, a book review, or an inspiring piece of fiction, disappointment doesn't leave much of a sting. Great post!
Wow, this really hit me where it ...should I say hurts. I think this may be the one thing that holds me back is that I haven't identified the essence of what is at the center of my writing. As a nurse it would be nurturing but I also want to be encouraging and hopeful. The first book I have published is The Cancer Prayer Book which I hope is encouraging and hopeful, yet honest about the fear, the pain, and sometimes the grief behind cancer. My children's book which has been accepted is also about childhood cancer but is brave, hopeful, and spunky and fun. I ultimately want to encourage and be real while being entertaining. I want readers to feel something tangible after they close the cover of one of my books or read an article. I am not there yet with where I want to be with my writing career and I think I need to think outside the box. I need to let go of my fears of failure because writing full time is where I want to be. Thanks for the thoughtful post.
As always, Chrisitna, you provide a thought-provoking question. I would say at my ooey gooey center is "Self-expression." In my fiction, I love to write and develop characters that a a bit off-beat and over-the-top expressive or struggling to find ways to express their identities and their feelings. In my writing workshops, I encourage my young students to find their unique voice and block out the mainstream opinions of others. I help them dig deeper and challenge them to discover who they are and what they want to say. I even try to express myself through my blog posts, my choice of reading materials adn even the color of my hair, which was recently highlighted a deep purple! : )
Dialogue, understanding human behavior, devotional writing for the Christian market, descriptions, emotion, life experiences, dogs, and taking risks...love for language and the human condition, authenticity, hearing loss and cochlear implants or life as a newly single mom, my ability and desire to connect, writing about explanation, a desire to help others, be real while being entertaining, and self-expression.
All great sources of what I am sure will continue to be powerful writing. Thank you for participating! Keep 'em coming!
And PS, I ignored the SPAM comments. I'm pretty sure none of us what THAT at the center of our careers. ;)
I would say that character development is at the center of my writing life. Since I started as an actress, understanding a character's nature and characteristics is one of the most important things to me. I need to make sure my characters are consistent, or else I feel like I haven't done my writing justice!
This is a question well worth asking, and I've had some time to ponder it since Christina first asked it of her Facebook fans approximately several weeks ago. I'll probably rehash what posters above, such as Laura, Lee, Tiffani, and others, said so well. This also goes along with Christina's tenets of how to move past disappointment.
At the center of my writing career, to my mind at least, are several streams vying to be the big river: words/language; family (particularly my husband & children); struggle and its positive-sided coin, perseverance; desire to describe, learn, interpret, assist, and instruct and come to grips with grief and with the human condition; and to channel my own outrage, sorrow, or misanthropy into humanity-helpful and positive, or even idealistic, endeavors. I've always felt that if I helped someone through my words, whether it's via a laugh (that's usually the case, as I endeavor to write funny stuff) or some other encouragement, I'm pleased. I wish I could condense it all and just say, simply, "writing is at the heart of my writing career," but, you know what, I am what I am--muddiness and all!
Okay, folks, here's the final list:
Dialogue, understanding human behavior, devotional writing for the Christian market, descriptions, emotion, life experiences, dogs, and taking risks...love for language and the human condition, authenticity, hearing loss and cochlear implants or life as a newly single mom, my ability and desire to connect, writing about explanation, a desire to help others, be real while being entertaining, self-expression, character development, and a laugh or some other encouragement
Does it help you focus and expand on what you do well to put this at the center of your writing?
Let me know, down the road, if the exercise was helpful!
Thanks to Allison for hosting and happy holidays to all!
Big congrats to ELISE ALLEN, who won a copy of Christina's book! Elise, will you email me your addy (or DM me), and Christina will get a copy out!