What's In A Name?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010 So, while I was on vacation, a little thing called #Franzenfreude broke out all over the internet. I mostly sat in the bleachers watching, sometimes nodding, sometimes shaking my head. I'm not going to get into the commercial vs. literary, man vs. woman aspect here on the blog because I think it's been beaten to death, but I will say that one of the things that cropped up for me - while reading about female vs. male authors - is the idea of maiden vs. married names, and how important it is to feel comfortable with your personal identity as a writer. I mentioned something about this on Twitter, asking simply if my fellow women writers have kept their maiden names and was met with a huge flurry of responses.
It's something I've been thinking about for a while, and I believe I even blogged about it well over a year or so ago. When I got married (many moons ago), I immediately adopted my husband's name, tacking it on to mine without giving it much thought to my long-term career. But to be honest, I never quite made the leap. I still answer my work line as "Allison Winn," my website, quite obviously, still has the same maiden name address, and to most of the people who know me or knew me in my pre-married life, I'm still Ali Winn, sans the Scotch.
And now, maybe it's because 95% of my energies are spent devoted to my family, but I've been thinking about trying to retain a bit of control over the one thing that I do for myself: writing. Which leads me back to my maiden name and wondering why I changed it (professionally) and whether or not it was the right decision.
When I tweeted about this, the majority of women who replied opted NOT to change their names. A few called it old-fashioned; many simply felt as I do now - that it's about grabbing hold of your life up to now; and @rosiemolinary put it wonderfully: that all the experiences she had that allow her to write were part of the life she embodied with her maiden name. Why on earth would she change it? Why on earth indeed.
None of this has anything to do with my marriage or my family. In fact, in some ways, I think it's about how fully devoted I am to them - so much of what I do is about them, that I'd like to have one thing for me. I suspect a lot of women and moms know of what I speak, even if the issue for them isn't about a maiden name. Maybe it's about time or a hobby or SOMETHING that we can call our own. I'll still be Scotch for my kids and for their school and for anything else that covers that aspect of my life, but for this, I kind of think that I'd like this to be my own.
So yesterday, when I got home from vacation, I called my agent and asked: can I go back to it professionally? How difficult it is anyway to make that leap? I might be too far into my career to do so, and that will be that, and I, of course, will deal. But still, it's something I long for - the complete and full definition of my professional identity, one that has nothing to do with any other aspect of my life. Sure, I write about motherhood and marriage, so maybe that's not entirely fair or true, but I'd just like to be able to own this. If that makes sense.
Anyway, it's something I encourage new writers to really think about: your professional identity and where you'll be, not just in a year from now when your first book is published, but many years from now. How do you want to respresent yourself?
Other writers out there: what say you? Did you change your name? Why or why not? Do you regret it? Ever think of doing things differently?
Reader Comments (26)
I am neither an author nor female, but I still don't see the problem with going back to one's maiden name; I think a fair comparison can be made with actresses: Courteney Cox married and became Courteney Cox Arquette, then back to Courteney Cox while retaining her husband. Robin Wright became Robin Wright Penn, then back to Robin Wright after her divorce. No biggie. Meredith Baxter > Meredith Baxter Birney > Meredith Baxter (plus an additional change that isn't really relevant) - same person.
Be who you want to be. We'll know.
I'm not published but I have built a small online persona under this name, my married name. Here's the thing: I got married at 19. I hadn't developed anything on my own that I wanted to maintain ties to, and frankly, I had a difficult childhood and was more than happy to leave my maiden name in the past. So for me it was an easy decision, but I can understand the problem for other women.
What I find interesting is that while I did change my name, my reasons are at their heart exactly the same as those mentioned above, the identity issue. Just reversed. :)
Hmm, croondog's celebrity examples are good ones. I mean, the industries aren't apples to apples, but... good examples nonetheless.
Personally, I didn't think I'd want to change my last name when I got married, regardless of profession. But lately I've begun to consider what that would mean once I started having kids, or traveling outside the country with my (future) husband, etc. So for convenience, I think I will add on his last name, but I refuse to give up any of my current ones (meaning I will have Firstname Middlename Maidenname Lastname, i.e., MOUTHFUL, hahaha).
But professionally, for the same reasons you mention above, I'd prefer to just be Kristan Hoffman. That's the me that's been working for a little while now to be a writer. That's the me that has (albeit small) publication credits to her name already. That's the me that has a URL and an established blog, lol.
And I think that also gives me a bit of a shield for my "real life," once I'm an author and trying to keep my family separate from my work. I mean, I'm a fairly open book, but I recognize that not everyone in my life may want to be. By being Kristan Hoffman professionally and Kristan Lastname otherwise, there's a (thin) division.
For fourteen years, I worked in an industry that required name recognition. My name was my brand. I was married early in my career, and I changed my name. It was fine. But when I got divorced, I fought to keep my married name, because THAT was my brand. That was how people had known me as I entered the senior ranks. Oddly enough, once I reached the pinnacle of my career, I was remarried and felt okay about changing my name once more, because I was far enough along in my life that I knew who I was, everyone around me knew who I was, and I just didn't care that much about labels anymore. Perhaps if I embarked on a new career, it would once again matter to me as I established a new brand. But for now, I think "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." (Thanks, Will.)
Very interesting post. Allison and community: I'm curious if you know anyone who used a pen name when they published a book and how that worked out? I think sometimes people do it because their last name is hard to remember or pronounce. Any thoughts on that?
According to the IRS, my name is Suzanne Vitello Soule (there's an accent on the "e" of Soule, but technology renders that invisible in most legal documentation). But every day, my third and latest husband extracts the mail from the box out front and delivers the ream of missives to my writing desk for a rousing game of "Guess who lives here now!" Suzy K Vitello, Suzanne Graham, Susie V Soule. The New Yorker thinks I'm Suzy Gram. Most creditors still go by Suzanne Vitello. In-laws from a couple marriages back put all the names down, just to be on the safe side. Only Syracuse University and their savvy development staff have been able to keep up with my name-changing hijinks, and for that they deserve to be rewarded by occasional donations.
In my day job, marketing, when we advise clients to "rebrand" e.g. new logo, new web site, new, look & feel, it's very externally focused. "Keep up with the times," we insist. "Make a connection with your audience."
In art, though, the idea is to be visible on the strength of one's essence. Name it. Be it. Live it.
I decided, with this latest marriage, that in the writing world I really haven't been anything but Vitello. Occasionally, as a journalist, I've scabbed a name before or after the Vitello, but really, my writerly identity is commensurate with that name. Though--I don't have one Italian molecule in my DNA.
Here's my dilemma. I'm now working on a book that is an organic outgrowth of my heritage and passion, and a good part of the book is set in Austria, where I was born, whence my paternal lineage hails, and where the name I used as a maiden, the first 24 years of my life, comes from. That my née name is Freisinger might be very helpful if the book I'm now writing becomes my first published book. I mean, if Amy Tan got married to a "Smith" and she tried to publish under that name, would Joy Luck Club even have a platform?
I did what you did - when I got married (10 years ago!) I added "Russell" onto my existing name and used all three. And it was a mess, I never knew what my name was at an airport or hotel check-in, felt unwieldy introducing myself at work, and my work email was long and painful. When I switched jobs 3.5 years ago, I dropped the Russell and went back to my maiden name. And the number of people who asked if I got divorced! No! Just felt it was simpler. Now I'm "Mrs Russell" to my kids' friends, and at cocktail parties I use Russell. But professionally, both in my finance job and my writing, I use my maiden name.
I know exactly what you are talking about!
I completely regret taking my husband's name! I was 25 when we got married, not that far into my career, hadn't really started pursuing the writing thing, and I didn't even contemplate the alternative. I've actually considered legally changing it back. I *do* use Gable for writing endeavors and I am also a contract CFO for two companies - one I've been with for 9 years so they know me as "Bilski" but the other I use "Gable." Sort of confusing when I answer the phone! Gable just fits me so much better. Plus it's an easier name!
Wow, what great thoughts. Thanks, everyone, for weighing in. Lindsay - ha! I never know what ANYTHING is in - which name. In fact, I just got called to jury duty for the second time in six months because one was under my maiden, one under my married. Um, NO THANKS! :)
Michelle - hee. Love the candor.
I really don't know much about pen names - wish I could be more helpful in that regard!
Whoops, Lindsey with an e, not an a!
I was 33 when I got married, with close to 10 years of bylines under my name. It just never felt right to me to change it, personally or professionally, and I feel confident I did what was right for me. I think I was primed by a mom who got married in 1953, when she was 22, and who always regretted changing her name.
My dark secret is that I use my married name at the dry cleaners, because it's so much easier to spell. ;-)
I got married recently and have added his surname to mine. I have a unique name, so I'm not worried about editors getting confused. Readers, though, could be different. Are you sure readers who've loved and picked up books by Allison Winn Scotch will know it's you when the next novel is by Allison Winn?
Excellent timing. I just signed paperwork on Monday to change back to my maiden name. Fortunately I've only published a couple short stories so I don't think I'll lose much, but it does worry me that I've spent three years putting my name out there, and now I'm undoing that.
I chose to take my husband's last name when I married twenty years ago and to use a pen name when I started taking my writing seriously five years ago. I did want some privacy for my "real" life (in addition to having a name everyone mispronounces), but more that than I wanted a name that represented me and me alone.
I didn't use my maiden name because I don't relate to that name anymore. I chose the last name Maria because that's what my grandpa would call me, "Dawn Maria!" (usually meant I was in trouble) even though my middle name is Marie. It's a pen name using my first name, so I still feel like me, but it's also very personal to me.
I'm lucky that I made the decision before I got online, so I've been able to have 99% of my writing and online stuff be under the pen name. Every now and then I run into some issues. Last fall I went to a conference using my pen name and then had a mini freak-out when I couldn't find my name tag (I'd forgotten I'd used the pen name).
It is a bit confusing sometimes, but overall I'm glad I chose to use the pen name.
I've been married twice in the last decade. I toyed with going back to my maiden name after my first husband died but in the end decided not to because of my daughter and out of some residual loyalty issues. When I remarried, my husband left the business of last name to me. His. First husband's. Maiden name. It was mine to decide. I went with his. It felt right.
I wonder about the name thing. I published poetry under my maiden name, blogged and wrote editorial under my first married name, blogged and write education and commentary under my current name. Does it matter? I don't know. I worry less about the writing than I do about how comfortable I am and I am pretty darn comfy.
About Franzen, my husband read a review and immediately checked it out from the library. I wonder if would have done that if the book were written by a woman because, frankly, it reads like women's lit. Why can men write about relationships, family and identity and have it deemed "literary" but when women do the same thing it's "chick lit" or "women's literature". It's not just literature when women do it and that's kinda the problem. In the old days of yore, women got around this by adopting male pen names or using their initials. Imagine if The Outsiders had been published by Susan Hinton instead of S.E. Hinton. for example. Would it have become a classic? Or just another teen novel that no one remembers anymore?
More power to Franzen if he can convince the critics that books about people simply living life ala Wisteria Lane is art, but there are women who can write the same, and have a better vantage on lost promise than he does, and they will never be allowed to shake the "girl ghetto" that the critical experts dismiss them too simply based on their gender.
Such an interesting topic... as someone just starting out, I often (vaguely) wonder about this very issue. Since I have a much greater likelihood of making it in my career before hitting the marriage milestone, I'm not sure what I'll be doing in this scenario. Personally, I like the tradition of taking my husband's name. But I also like my middle name, so I already use three - sounds like a legal headache to add yet another, right?
One point that hasn't been mentioned is the concept of tracking/cataloguing an author/illustrator's published works. I can imagine that librarians and booksellers, not to mention readers, would get annoyed at having to figure out where an author's books are scattered alphabetically. I also figure that this might impact visibility and even sales of an author's full range of titles. But maybe I'm wrong - anyone with insight to back this up?
This is my first time reading your blog because someone just pointed it to me. I just got married and have been struggling a lot with the name change issue. Randomly, I have the same maiden name as you and I have to tell you- it's a good one, I don't want to give it up! But I do want my kids to have my name and my husband wanted me to change it, so here I am about 85% into my name change process and I'm still really torn about the whole thing. I actually tried to keep it at work but not in life but that turned out to be more of an issue than I thought it would be- I'm a teacher and human resources has to have my legal name and they want me e-mail to match and blah blah :( I think if I could just keep it at work and not in life that would be the perfect compromise for me. But i don't know how long that is going to last...
Such an interesting topic! I'm struggling with this very decision now before my book debuts. Can't decide if I should be a Sarah Mitchell, a Sarah Jio, or a Sarah Mitchell Jio. Identity crisis! xo
Interesting topic here -- one that will certainly have countless answers and opinions as everyone's life experiences help formulate thoughts on married vs. maiden names.
I consider myself a pretty modern and progressive woman. When I was nearing completion of my graduate degree, my university sent out a form asking what name I'd like printed on my diploma. At the time, I was engaged. Had been with that guy for 8 years (and we're still married today). We would get married a few months before I actually finished the program, but I opted to have my maiden name printed on that piece of paper. I felt that I had completed my degree with my maiden name. It was the person I was when I endured those long nights of research and writing, all the presentations, study groups and my capstone project/thesis.
However, today, any and everything I do, I sign with my married name. (I took my husband's last name when we married -- which is yet still an entirely separate subject!) It's who I am now. Everything I do and have done the past 6 years have allowed me to do what I do today. I don't feel slighted for not using my maiden name. I don't feel any less me. The way I sign my name is in essence a time stamp -- a marker -- for what my life is this day.
So for me, I choose to use the name I chose the day I chose the man.
That last name is mine. Just as much as my maiden name was mine.
Thanks, guys - what interesting responses, and Jessica, I do like how you think of it - how it's a time stamp for where you are now. That's a good perspective, I think.
Sarah - good luck with your decision, and Kelly, thanks for stopping by! Fun to know that we share a name. :)
I didn't change my name when I got married eleven years ago, didn't even consider it. Now that we have two children I think about it though. Actually I just don't mind when people call me by their last name instead of mine.
Professionally I will always be this person with my 'original' name, in my heart too. But family wise I think I am mellowing and will not make such a scene about my last name as I did when I was younger.
Thanks for a thoughtful post.
http://elianaosborn.wordpress.com
Interesting post. I chose to hyphenate my last name when I got married (7 years ago) and I regret it now, because neither name is particularly common and together they're long, unwieldy, and no one can spell it. I've seriously considered going through the trouble to legally change my name to Laura BirthName SpousesName just to shorten the thing, and it is handier at times to have the same last name as your spouse. That way I could use the whole thing when I chose, and just Laura SpousesName for social situations.
However, your point about who you identify as is a good point - I probably think of myself, in an intellectual arena, more like BirthName, so does that mean that that's what my "pen" name should be? As I start trying to submit my writing more widely, what name should I use... I'm ambivalent.
I've thought about this issue, although it hasn't really been relevant for me yet - I'm still not married, so I haven't had a name change to deal with. However, about ten years ago, friends gave me the nickname "Lanois" and I started using it on a regular basis. "Danielle Lanois" seemed to fit me better than my real name, and so it's now what I use for my blog and most of my online identities.
I've decided that, when I get published, I'm going to write as "Danielle Lanois." That way, even if I do get married, my legal name and my writing name will still be different. Nothing will have to change professionally, and I'll still be using a name that feels like it is my own.
Ahh! This is a topic very close to my heart and I really enjoyed reading about your take on it.
I took my husband's name when I married 18 years ago for a variety of reasons, and it wasn't something I really felt strongly about one way or the other at the time.
If only I had read more suspense novels I would have realised that having a name like Mary Higgins is somewhat problematic for a writer. I've been writing for years (like many of us I have oodles of projects started) but once I started to actually finish, polish and shop my books and plays I was faced with the dilemma. Do I write under my real name, my maiden name or something else?
I started to blog under an online name that I had had for year, worldofhiglet, which was the title of a series of children's books I had written. That took off and then I was faced with having two names, neither of which were great in terms of marketing.
I've come to terms with it. I write under both my pseudonym and my married name. If it's a problem in the future, I'll deal with it. Whatever the name it's still me doing the writing.
P.S. I used to be in a band called 'the love gods' and everyone hated that name. On advice from our distributors we changed it to 'killingstars'. Which everyone hated, too. C'est la vie.
This original blog post was written on my one-year wedding anniversary. I did not change my name, but I intended to, and I am still at odds with it (although I think I have probably figured out a solution).
I've written two books, and have published articles since the late 1990s under my name, Elaina Loveland. [My books are Creative Colleges: A Guide for Student Actors, Artists, Dancers, Musicians and Writers and Creative Careers: Paths for Aspiring Actors, Artists, Dancers, Musicians and Writers) I had never planned on changing it professionally because of the publications. I planned on adding his surname to mine and then making my surname a middle name legally. I am kind of traditional in this way (I always thought I would change it immediately).
But I haven't done it. Part of it is the hassle. I am still very conflicted. I will probably add his surname but not use it for publications and hope I don't switch careers someday. Not all fields will let you use a "professional" name that it is not your "legal name" (like professions that require licensing and or university professors who are listed in a directory under their "legal name"--you can specify that you want to use a different one professionally (much like the teacher who posted above). It makes me nervous that if I do something else someday that is not writing/editing, I will be stuck using his name professionally.
Then I think maybe I should not change it legally at all and just use his surname personally--but then if we have children, I kind of want to have the same last name as my children.
Furthermore, my husband is half-Italian and his Italian last name is 13 letters long. And in Itay, women don't change their last name--and I don't look Italian. [His mother did take his father's last name--she is not Italian but she could pass for Italian and they married in the United States.]
I guess it is the legal part of it that scares me. Then it brings up all kinds of issues, do I use his surname on facebook for personal stuff and set up a new facebook "like" page for my books or do I put it under my writing/current name or what? Anyway, I am glad that I am not the only person who has had conflicted emotions about name changing.
www.elainaloveland.com