What's Worse: Rejection or Really Bad Rejection?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010 Question of the day: Simple question because I know you once pursued an acting career: isit tougher getting rejected as a writer or an actress? I'm curious because I often assure myself that my rejections could be worse: I could be Sean Young. Acting seems so much more brutal.
Oh my gosh, I've never actually thought about this. What a smart question!
Hmmm, yes, I would say that the rejections that Sean Young and the like receive are tougher than the ones that we get. Why? Because, and I know this sounds weird because writing is so, so, so personal, but I found that the rejections that came with acting were almost more so. For example, I'll never forget going in to meet a commercial agent who stared at me for a while, then said, "Well, you're very pretty but you're not model pretty. I think you'd be perfect for Olive Garden commercials. Just that. I think the only thing I could sell you on is the Olvie Garden." And I'm sitting there looking at him thinking, "Are you kidding me that you just said this to my face, but indeed, he did just say that to my face, and in fact, kept repeating said mantra about the Olive Garden until he dismissed me, and I never heard from him again.
The feedback in the acting world is much colder, to be honest, more blunt and in your face. With writing, I often feel like people try to pull out some of the stronger elements of your work and tell you where you can improve. They're looking at your words and judging you on your words, whereas with acting, there's a whole bevy of things that they judge you on: your weight, your height, your hair style, your boob size, etc that have nothing to do with your ability. And in some ways, this should make it LESS personal, but because some of these traits are by their nature, inherently personal, I do think it's easier to take the criticism a little harder.
I should also add that often times, in my experience, the acting criticism came directly to your face. You stood in an audition room and sang or read for a casting director, and you could just TELL what he or she was thinking - as in, "I'm soooooo not interested." Imagine sitting there while an agent read your manuscript, and being able to discern, more or less, if she was interested. Is your stomach in knots yet? That's what actors endure.
Now, all of that said, I can easily see this argument flipped: that writing is incredibly personal and as such, rejection in our industry is also equally as personal. Maybe I've just been doing this too long. But for me, I can hide behind my computer a little bit. I can distance myself from the reviews because, well, what's the alternative? Maybe it's my experience in the acting world which TAUGHT me to distance myself from the reviews and not take it personally. I mean, I sat there and listened to the Olive Garden agent and literally tried not to laugh out loud at my bafflement. Maybe if I hadn't learned via those years earning my SAG card that SO LITTLE of this is personal - if they want someone with bigger boobs, then they want someone with bigger boobs, not much (within reason!) that I can do about that - that these days, while criticism stings, it really doesn't gut me.
Besides, I choose to put myself out there. If I'm going to do enjoy the perks of this job, I have to accept the downsides. And if I get a really, really bad review, I suppose I'll always have the bread sticks at the Olive Garden.
Reader Comments (12)
Hey, haha, the OG is pretty sweet!
But no, I hear you. Sometimes people ask me why I don't try to be a screenwriter instead, and I'm like, OMG are you kidding? As incredibly difficult as the publishing industry is, I think the movie industry is worse.
And you know, my writer friend is getting ready to query agents, so we were talking about rejection yesterday, and we agreed that knowing in advance that we're going to get tons of rejections actually makes it easier to take. Because it's the norm; it's not us. Is that weird, haha?
Ha! Great post.
I totally agree - although not from personal experience - that the rejections in acting are much more horrible and soul crushing. Even though it is backwards, being judged for our physical appearance as opposed to what is on the inside is far worse. I think it might be because you are left with the feeling that know one could possibly want to get to know the inside parts because ugh, oh god, have you seen her outside?
I would think standing there while the director's opinion flashed across his face would be infinitely worse than receiving a rejection via email. Ugh.
Funny that Kristan mentioned screenwriting -- just last night someone asked me if I considered writing screenplays "because that's a lot easier to sell than novels." *sigh*
Oh! And have you eaten at an Olive Garden since?
OMG, I love Olive Garden! They just built one down the street from me and I couldn't be happier. And, yes, I imagine the rejections actors endure is much more personal than we writers. The key is always to remember that it's the STORY that's being rejected, not YOU. And even that's not the whole story. (Sorry!) I mean, the story may be perfect, but it's just not right for this agent or that editor or some reviewer. Bottom line is, you have to love your work, trust your instincts, and be confident. Pursuing your dreams in any of the arts comes ready-made with extreme highs and extreme lows. Keeping your head on straight and your feet firmly planted on the ground is required.
Well, Allison, I think you showed that nasty agent that you can sell a lot more than Olive Garden. What a jerk!
I used to be a singer before I became a writer and it is great rejection training. After someone's picked apart your posture, voice, dress, make-up, and shoes, a form rejection email feels like nothing.
That is a hard question to answer, which sort of rejection is worse. It certainly hurts to have our physical appearance questioned and or demeaned. For me I think that it would be harder to have someone reject my words as that really hits me on a deeper level.
That is sort of core stuff as opposed to the shell.
This is an interesting post. I used to hold a lot of casting sessions at a production company I used to work at and I don't know how actors do it. Takes a lot of courage. I can't imagine someone reading my manuscript in front of me. I would cringe!
I'm going with the actress reject as far worse. At least with your writing, you can take same material and peddle it elsewhere, often with success. You can go on a million auditions, but there's only one leading role in Pretty Woman or The Proposal. If you don't get it, someone else does, and usually, you can see that person over and over again doing the role you didn't get. I say keep writing.
Ah, but those publishing rejections can pay off. I spent half an hour on the phone with one agent, who in essence told me I needed to cut nearly half of my first 50 pages and that he saw my book as a small trade paperback (which, combined with his other comments, didn't bode well). After some thought I decided he was wrong - and sent out queries to the top agents I could find, ones I wouldn't have had the nerve to query had I not been out to prove the first agent wrong. And signed with one of them. So my rejection had a very happy ending.
interesting post. i was a model, actress, and now a writer. i've been rejected in all three fields way more than i have been accepted. for me, the rejection as a writer is worse. but it depends on what you value. if you value your body above all else, bodily rejection will sting the most. if you value your ideas, the rejection of those ideas will sting the most.