What's In A Name?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010 Question of the day: I'm wondering if you have some advice on my byline. I'd taken my husband's name, but we're currently getting a divorce, and I'm wondering if I'll hurt my career by going back to my maiden name? Any thoughts would be appreciated!
First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, and I hope that everything comes out okay for you in the end.
Second of all, I'm not the expert on this, but I can tell you that I've seen this discussed in the past, and my gut feeling is that you have to do what you need to for yourself to move forward with your life. And I completely think that if this means returning to your maiden name, then you should. I don't know if you go by your maiden name as your middle name - as I do - but if so, I think that's a really easy solution. Just drop the ex-husband's name. When you pitch your editors, you can simply say that you're returning to your maiden name, but that this is still you, etc. I wouldn't get into the song and dance about your personal life - I'd keep it clean and simple. Frankly, so many women keep their names, that I don't think most editors would even give this a second thought.
And you know, in thinking about this, even if you haven't kept your maiden name as your middle, I'd still just send your editors a note (when you pitch them), saying something along the same lines, and that's that. If you have a website, you can compile all of your old clips and direct clients/editors to them, and people can clearly see what you've done in the past, under whichever name you were bylined.
It's funny - your question echoed some of my own thoughts about changing my name. Not because I'm getting divorced (!!), but because I recently told my husband that part of me regretted changing it. For me, this has NOTHING to do with my personal life and more to do with my professional one: I give SO MUCH to my family, that I sometimes wish that I'd reserved my professional name just for me, for the me I used to be. I think it's too late for me to change back, given my books, but it's something I think about - sort of how Courteney Cox dropped the Arquette. (Again, having nothing to do with my marriage and everything to do with my professional identity.) So if this is important to you - reclaiming your name after your divorce, and I can certainly understand why it would be - I say you go for it.
Anyone out there ever done this? Have any advice for our reader?
Reader Comments (20)
I kept my maiden name professionally. It started out as a hangover from my reporter days. Back then I kept my maiden name so that angry newspaper readers and sources wouldn't be able to look me up in the phone book and call me at home to yell at me (they could yell at me in the newsroom like everyone else).
So I became attached to my maiden name for the same reasaons Allison mentioned. Also, even though it's kind of a funny name (Riggle) and often misspelled/pronounced (Wriggle, Wiggle, Riddle, Regal) I've also found it's distinctive. People remember it (and now I share a last name with a guy from the Daily Show, though we're not related as far as I know.)
But none of that helps your questioner. I'd have a talk with my agent about ways to mitigate any confusion among readers for the switch. I'd hate to think of losing readers just because they don't know it's still you!
And I'll add my sympathy for the divorce. So difficult.
Kris - that's an interesting point about not being able to find you. Smart. I'm now unlisted in the phone book, etc, for this reason, but the maiden name works well too. In fact, I think I'm going to switch my personal FB page back to just my maiden name so that there's a distinction btwn personal and professional, and hopefully, people will friend the fan page if they know me in that capacity, while high school friends, etc, can find me on the personal one.
Anyway, this is interesting food for thought. Something I never thought about, in terms of marketing, when I started out.
In my case it's a little simpler: I began writing about the time I was getting divorced (sending love and happy thoughts!) and didn't know which name to use so I use my first and middle names when I write. Now it doesn't matter that I'm divorced, that I use my maiden name for other things now, or that my name will change if I marry again.
However, what I had to do for other business/paperwork was use my married name in parenthesis along with my maiden name until everyone got used to seeing my maiden name. Then I totally dropped the ex's name.
Oh dear, that's a tough case. My writing career took off when I was married over a decade. In the beginning I used Meryl Kaplan Evans, but that got tiring and now I just go by Meryl K. Evans (my middle name happens to be Kay). I've seen writers successfully do things both ways -- switching or keeping maiden name. Some folks choose to keep their married name (depending on length of marriage) if they have children to keep it simple. A friend of mine used her divorced last name until she remarried. By then, her kids were grown.
what an interesting topic. one i've certainly pondered a lot. first of all, very sorry to hear about the divorce. i was married less than a year ago, and to my sisters + parents surprise, i changed my name. i am one of three girls and my dad, an only child. i am french and have a very unique name -- that is always responded to with a "what does that mean", "where in france are you from", 'how is that pronounced" and so on. it is crazy {and a bit surprising} how much of my identity is based upon my name. i have kept my maiden name as my middle name, and try to use it daily. however, it is hard to say + long, which makes it all the more difficult {not that i won't continue trying}. i am glad i changed my name, and am happy with my decision, but it's a difficult one. more difficult than people think. i would suggest going with your gut, and do what feels right. best of luck to you!
Interesting discussion. I married a man with a very common last name (Reynolds) but wanted to keep my own, which is difficult to spell, pronounce, and remember. But I'm really glad I did, because even things like registering a domain name are simpler for me. I definitely agree with Allison - better to revert to your maiden name now and consider it a part of rebuilding and establishing a new identity, in work and in life. Good luck.
This is very topical for me right now. I use my maiden name professionally, but for a while I tried to use all three; for some reason it was hard, I guess because in my job I travel a lot and never knew what name I would be under at a hotel, the airport, etc.
So now I'm using my maiden name for professional purposes and also as my byline for any writing. I am of two minds about it - I know my husband wishes I used his name (as I do socially) but I also sort of like that something is mine. Just as you say, Allison.
This is a tricky one.
So sorry about the divorce. Best wishes to you. Just curious - has anyone used a pen name? If so how did that go? I guess sometimes authors want to use something different. I'd be interested in hearing those thoughts as well.
Allison, funny you should mention your own struggle of maiden vs. married name. I have done the same thing and I decided to use my maiden name for the exact reason you stated. I wanted to feel that this was something just for me. Even though I love my husband and my family dearly, I fee I need to have something that is my stamp in the world. I love being my husbands's wife and my childrens' mother but I am also my parents' daughter. I was that first. When husband and family came along, it was so easy for me to lose myself to the caretaker role. I guess it is my solution to a bit of an identity crisis.
Something about seeing my maiden name staring back at me off the page, or wherever it may be, makes me feel a bit more connected to me, who I truly am.
So, I'm a guy, but I have to chime in because I did actually change my name when I got married (to a hyphenate), and I'm recently divorced.
Like you, Allison, I didn't feel a close association to my married name. Once we separated, I changed my name back.
Unlike the woman with the question, though, throughout the marriage I continued to write and to be known online by my... uh... maiden name? I had been published under that name before, and co-authored a book while I was married. That has really paid off.
My ex-wife, on the other hand, has kept her married name. She still likes it, earned an MA with it, is published under it, and is now speaking at conferences. And that's cool, too.
Once your name is fixed in a published work, your identity is tied to that name. If you change that name (for non-pseudonymous reasons), it's a whole lot of work to rebind that identity to another name. For anyone who is considering this for their future, I strongly recommend some deep thought on this subject. Your published name is not tied to your relationship or even the name on your checkbook. As a man, I would never begrudge my partner her maiden name as her identity, especially as an author, even if she took my name as a spouse.
As for what she should do now, I would say, change it immediately, at least for the purposes of publishing. Then go write like mad. :)
Matt-
I love it! What a 21st century guy you must be! :)
Allison
Allison, I'm so glad you posted this. I've been struggling with the name thing myself and was relieved to hear how important a fixed identity is. I can explain the maiden name byline to my husband and children easier now.
I also wish I'd kept my own name when I got married. Instead, I use my maiden name professionally and legally changed my maiden to my middle & added my husband's last name. I thought this would keep things simple, but it didn't. My byline may be my maiden name, but I have to send invoices with my legal name, and also my e-mail has my maiden name which confuses people who know me by my married name, like my kids' school. The whole thing's confusing, but like Allison said, editors deal with name changes all the time so it shouldn't be a big deal.
I write under a pseudonym, so from a writing perspective the name doesn't really matter.
I'm getting divorced now, too, and the question arose what to do about my last name. Fact is, I've had my husband's last name almost as long as I had my maiden name. It's my daughter's name. I'm well known in my "day job" profession by that name. I decided to just keep it and save myself the hassle of changing it.
At least for now.
When I got divorced twelve years ago I had established my career as a magazine freelancer under my married name, Kim Wright Wiley. It seemed silly to drop the "Wiley" after I'd worked so hard to get a little name recognition as a non-fiction writer. But recently I sold my first novel, which is coming out next month. I decided to write my fiction under my maiden name, Kim Wright. So now I have two professional names - Kim Wright for fiction and Kim Wright Wiley for nonfiction.
The interesting thing about all this is that it points to a deeper truth. Post divorce, your life is a little fractured. I became more compartmentalized in general...i.e., I dated on the weekends my ex-husband had the kids and formed a whole new group of single friends while at the same time continuing to be the soccer mom, homework-checking, still-hanging-out-with-the-other-parents person I had been before the divorce. Functioning under two different names was symbolic to me of functioning under two different realties.
At first this bugged me and I even started therapy with the stated goal of wanting to feel like all the parts of my life meshed. But over time I've become more comfortable with my two name identity and it's come to seem not only pragmatic, but emotionally accurate. When I recently went in to make a deposit, he cute little cashier at my local bank greeted me with "Are you Kim Wright or Kim Wiley today?" I told her I was whatever name was on the check.
Like Kris and Sarah (and Matt, to a degree) I have kept my maiden name for writing but took my husband's name legally -- and I feel it really does give me that distinct line between identities, the public and the private.
Of course I have to admit that having a really unusual first name is a bonus in this situation. Whatever last name people know me under, they know I'm Jael. More than likely the only Jael they're aware of, unless you count Yaels and the girl from America's Next Top Model.
I'm sorry to hear.
What would YOU prefer ?
I'd think in terms of branding. It seems your current personal branding is great so after all, it's 'just' a brand name...
Otherwise, you can also create a buzz to phase back into your maiden name. But hey, when/if you marry again, think twice before changing again...
I'd stick with it.
Feel free to DM me, I'm happy to talk further.
I'm late to the discussion here, but went through the same thing about seven years ago. When I started writing professionally (again) I used only my maiden name -- Nathan. I published only as Amy Nathan because I wanted anonymity for my children and a distance from my ex and his family. In my community I still use my married name because it's my kids' name and I want to have the same name as them. I started using both names, which is legally what my name is: Amy Nathan Othername. I plugged in my middle name when another "Amy Nathan" contacted me and was none too pleased I had the same name -- as she is the author of children's books.
I believe that in divorce I needed the separate identity. Also, because I wrote about parenting and personal situations for a large newspaper, it was OK that few people could draw the line from the the byline to my kids.
This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm not getting divorced either but I still don't feel a connection to my married name and hate that it's not unique. My maiden name is VERY unique and would be instantly recognizable as me. I can't decide what to do...
Changing back to my maiden name after my divorce was important to me also. I'm not a writer or anything, but as a teacher I knew it would confuse the siblings of students I'd had in the past, and as a mother I worried about how my children would react to it. It turned out that professionally, while some families (and a few colleagues) assumed the name change was due to marriage, it morphed over fairly quickly as a nonevent overall and everyone got used to it (nuch like when I changed it after being married). My younger daughter (approx. age 7 at the time), though, was particularly bothered by my changing my name as she felt (according to the family therapist) that it separated me from her, and that I didn't like the name in general, something that she also took rather personally. With conversation and some help from the therapist she was able to understand that, like the marriage, that name was not really connected to who I am now, but that a name on paper does not disconnect me from her or her sister. I say your readers will move on with you...do what feels right.