When the Green-Eyed Monster Rears Its Head
Monday, June 29, 2009 Question of the day: I know this doesn't sound great, but I find that I get jealous over other writers' success. Has this happened to you in the past (or present)? If so, how do you deal with it.
Ah yes, when jealousy rears it ugly head. Hmmm, well this is both a good question and a tough question to answer. The easy answer, from my perspective, is that I've never been a jealous person - always let my boyfriends (and now husband) have their freedom, always been happy for my friends' success, etc. And so, when I see other writers thriving, no, I really don't get jealous. But the hard answer is that I understand COMPLETELY why people do. (I have plenty of flaws, don't get me wrong, it's just that the jealousy bone isn't one of them.)
The tough part about our industry is that a lot of it seems arbitrary. One writer succeeds wildly while another is never published. One gets a monster advance while another barely ekes high four-figures. One has bylines all over national magazines while the other is stuck reading them in the gym. I get that. And I don't have any real answers for the randomness of the success other than to say that I promise you that every person who has seen some sort of success in this business has worked as hard as you have. NOT that this means you don't deserve the same successes, of course not, but that he/she is equally as deserving. I get asked A LOT how I got to where I've gotten, and I can tell you that the short answer is that I worked my ass off. The long answer is that I also allied myself with people I trust, got a little lucky with my timing, and never stopped believing in myself. And then there is the even longer answer: I admired the hell out of more successful writers and tried to emulate them rather than resent the fact that they earned more than I did/published novels before I did/seemed to have an easier time at it than I did/etc.
Here is the thing that I've often said and always believed: there is enough work to go around. There are enough books that can be bought and published, enough magazine articles that need to be assigned. There is simply no reason to turn on your fellow writers, cannibalize on each other. One of the best things I ever did, when I was ascending the ranks of magazines, was join Freelance Success, where you will find a bevy of writers who are happy to share their advice, support your successes and failures, and serve as a cheerleading squad as you go on your way. There, I have found a network of like-minded writers who realize that stewing over someone else's triumphs is wasted energy. TOTAL WASTED ENERGY. Think about it: when you're sitting at your desk begrudging someone's byline, are you one step closer to your goal of breaking into that magazine? Any closer to finishing up your novel? N.O. Period. I've always adopted the attitude that if someone else can do it, why can't I? There's a subtle line that you have to cross, to shift from jealousy to admiration, but I recommend it. I think that subtle shift can change your outlook entirely.
Reader Comments (3)
Competition is healthy, if you use it to your advantage... like a deadline. I seek to surround myself with winners, whether in person or on my bookshelf. Jealousy has no place. Only encouragement and learning.
Think of how much writers can teach other writers, by being open and honest, not petty and envious.
Absolutely right! You never know where your opportunities are going to come so unless someone deserves your disdain it never benefits you to go green over other success. In my industry (Software Engineering) a name drop can come from anywhere and I have received more jobs from the people I supported and achieved their own success.
I've always subscribed to the notion that we writers are in this together, and we need to support each other. I think it's a brave question to ask, and I've definitely been envious of other writers' success -- but only in a, "Wow, I wish I had that life!" kind of way. Begrudging each other is bad karma. Instead, I try to learn from other writers through blogs like this one. How did they get their big breaks? What do they wish they'd known when they were first starting out? Authors can be incredibly generous in teaching us about the publishing world. Just as a quick side note, I recently met a woman who mentioned she was starting to write a book. We chatted about it for a bit, then I said I'd just sold my first novel. Instead of asking me about the process -- I would've been thrilled to tell her how I found an agent, etc., or what resources helped me -- she acted disgruntled. She talked a bit more about her project, then walked away. Maybe I offended her in some other way (though I'm pretty sure I put on deodorant that morning). Still, it seemed an odd reaction and I wondered why she wouldn't want to make a connection with another author.