Finding a Mentor
Monday, June 22, 2009 Question of the day: Can you discuss how I can find a mentor?
This question has come up a few times over the years, and I still don't quite have the right answer. But wanted to post it because I do have a few thoughts and bet that readers out there might have some ideas as well.
First of all, I agree that mentoring can be a wonderful way to glean new info and really improve your writing. The problem, of course, is that a lot of writers are super-busy to begin with. I do know a few writers who have offered their mentoring services for a fee, and I've been offered money in the past to mentor some people, but that was just never how I wanted to operate. (NOT AT ALL a dig on those people who do charge for their time: it is a service above all else, and I totally get it.) So instead, I run this little blog and try to pay it forward in my own way, which, I'm guessing is more helpful than mentoring just one person. Which isn't to say that you can't write an author you admire and ask. That's how I've been approached in the past, and again, I wish that I could say yes...but let's be honest, my life is hectic enough, and I just can't squeeze it in. But maybe someone could, and there's NO harm in asking. At the very least, you might connect with an author you admire, and maybe he/she could point you in the direction of someone who could help.
Beyond that, I'd consider joining organizations that cater to the field you want to break into. If books (fiction and non) are your bag, check out Backspace, and if magazines/journalism are/is your goal, try FreelanceSuccess.com. The forums on both places are invaluable (though Freelance Success doesn't so much cater to newbies, but you can sit back and watch the action and absorb incredible information), and I am certain - 100% - that you'll "meet," albeit virtually, writers who are happy to lend advice and an ear when you need it. Also try your local writing classes. Maybe the teacher would be someone you'd click with, someone who would be happy to help long after you've filed your last essay.
Let me also add in this, however. I think that one thing that can go a long way with a potential mentor/friend/business contact is being polite. I cannot tell you (and I am not speaking of anyone in particular and certainly not here on Ask Allison) how many emails I have gotten asking for advice on the industry, emails that I choose to answer - taking time from what little time I already have - to which I never get a thank you. Look, I'm not putting myself up for martyr of the year or anything, and I am happy, happy, happy, again, to pay it forward, but there is something called courtesy, and yeah, I find it annoying when it feels like someone sucks something out of me, and they can't bother to write "thank you." Again, I'm not getting on my high horse here or anything, rather passing it along to you to let you know that relationships matter, perceptions matter, and I can assure you that I remember the person who twice, out of the blue - a friend of a friend of a friend - who sent me a note asking for help, and twice, I replied, and twice she never thanked me, and guess what happened the third time she wrote? (You don't have to be a smart writer to figure it out.) :)
Really, I'm not suggesting that I've done anything great by helping her or others out, but yes, being polite and nurturing your relationships matter in this industry. And you can bet that I make more of an effort for aspiring writers or friends or whomever who are kind and generous and lovely in their own way.
But enough about that. Readers, anyone out there have some tips on finding a mentor?
Reader Comments (4)
I do edit/coach writers for a fee, but I also freely give out an enourmous amount of information, advice, resources, contact info, etc., both on my blog, and also one-on-one to friends, friends of friends, and usually, to anyone who is polite in the way they ask, and who doesn't ask for too much. And yet, I have been in the same position as you describe several times - willingly helped out and then heard nothing back, until the next time help was needed.
I think probably the most productive mentor relationships develop organically, usually out of a shared experience -- class, conference, writing group, etc. But I have also gratefully benefitted from casual mentoring in the form of reaching out to more accomplished writers than myself who, for whatever reason, reached bach and "adopted" me.
Allison, from everyone who appreciates your blog, or who you have helped and not gotten a proper response: THANK YOU !!
I don't have advice on finding a mentor, because I don't really have one and certainly don't have the experience to be one! Then again, maybe that's not true. I have found a number of incredibly useful mentors online on websites like this one. Allison, I still get such a rush whenever a "real" author deigns to respond to my comments and silly questions!!
When I think back to when I started thinking about novel-writing, about three years ago, to how much I understand today, it's night and day. One thing that you and other bloggers have taught me is that I SHOULD aim high... this sounds silly now, but at first I honestly thought that I couldn't query an agent who represents top authors or deals with top publishing companies but rather settle for something more newbie-appropriate... and I probably would have been an easy target for scams. I also know so much more about the writing and revising process. And maybe I'm a mentor too! As an English teacher, I've directed students with real talent for and interest in writing to industry blogs, and I hope that someday I can say I knew them when.
Anyway, thanks for this post! I just realized I hadn't seen a post from you pop up on my blogger dashboard for a while, so then I checked your site and found that it had moved. I LOVE your beautiful new website!
I'm with Lisa on this -- I think the best mentorships develop organically and often, the use of the word "mentor" isn't needed until much later. Asking someone specifically to be your mentor can put a lot of pressure on them. But reaching out to someone you admire, and creating a relationship with them can be incredibly rewarding and helpful. And it's not until after the fact -- in my mind -- that you refer to this person as a mentor, and it's much more gradual.
I also think it's great to have a variety of mentors. That way you can go to different people for different things, and you're not relying on one person whenever you need advice.
And it's always important to write people back!
Just wanted to say that I agree with you on expressing gratitude toward mentors or contacts that are willing to lend a helping hand. I think some people get a bit of a 'high' off the fumes of published writers, editors, people in the publishing industry, etc. Perhaps they think something will rub off on them. In any case, it's lovely that some writing professionals are happy to give advice, but amateurs definitely shouldn't take advantage of that. Thanks for the tips!