The Thin Line Between Love and Hate (of Facebook)
Monday, October 26, 2009 Question of the day: I was wondering how you deal with social media sites like Facebook. I'm trying to establish a platform for myself and am wondering if I should have two FB profiles - one for personal, one for professional - or if that's overkill. But I like to keep these factions separate, and I don't know how to go about doing that.
This is a GREAT question and one that I see discussed often on writer's forums: Facebook is the greatest way to get back in touch with old friends, catch up with current ones and swap stores about, well, just about everything, but that doesn't mean that you want your work colleagues having access to all of this info. Not because you don't like them - of course! - but because, well, it seems wise to keep certain parts of your life separate.
I don't know if I have the best answer because how I deal with this great divide is sort of murky, but I'll try. I, too, had similar questions as you do, back before Time of My Life launched. I was getting a lot of friend requests from people I didn't know, so I asked my marketing manager at my publisher how to deal with it. I figured the best thing to do would be what you suggest in your question - set up two profiles - but she instead recommended setting up a Fan page, saying that most people would friend BOTH profiles anyway. So I did. And when I thought about it, this sort of made sense. I mean, to be honest, if I had a strictly-business profile, I'm not sure how often I'd update it or even check in on it. What I love about Facebook is that it's an amazing way for me to keep up with my friends - I'm so busy these days that it's sort of a catch-all, where I can log on, see what people are up to, then log off and go about my day. I likely wouldn't bother taking the time to do this on my professional page because again, FOR ME, Facebook is a friendship/personal space...and I don't use it to connect with people I don't know, even if they had friended my professional page.
So now I have a Fan page (which sounds ridiculously narcissistic, but it's their title, not mine), and I DO use it to post professional updates and keep in touch with readers. Do some of them still friend me? Sure. But I really, really try to stick to my rule that Facebook is for people with whom I have at least one real conversation in my life - we didn't have to be best friends in high school, but I should be able to pick your name out of a line-up as someone I know. I don't use it for networking, and I really don't use it for promotion - except to let my friends know if something exciting is happening....It's weird. I hate it (not Facebook, the weirdness). I always feel sooooooo badly if I feel like I have to draw that line and keep it personal BUT, here's the thing: I put up a lot of pictures of my kids, a lot of silly ridiculous status updates, etc, and to be honest, if I don't know who is really reading/seeing this stuff, I would start to monitor/edit what I write/post...and that goes against what I enjoy most about Facebook.
I don't know. It's a tricky thing. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND why people friend folks who they don't know. Totally. But - as you intimated in your question - some people like to keep things separate, and I guess I'm one of those people. I also feel like there are enough places online that you can find me and network - and maybe I'd suggest this for you as well - Twitter, my blog, Linked In, my website, etc - where I AM happy to engage with you, that if I want this small sliver to myself, well, then I'm going to take it.
So...that's how I deal with it. I know other writers struggle with this as well - anyone care to chime in on how you deal?
Reader Comments (9)
Great question - I struggled with this as well as I was getting ready for the launch of my novel. I have a fan page where I post status updates related to the book and to my writing. My profile page I post status updates that relate to my life BUT I do not discourage readers from friending me, I just have the awareness that my "friends" are from all walks of my life, including colleagues from my old job.
My position has been that the people I am really close with I am in contact with in "real" life so those venues are for people I want to be connected to but not necessarily close to. I am very conscious of the audience all the time.
I have to say though readers want to connect so having a fan page is really important and keeping it updated is important as well! I try to post updates at least once a day.
I've divided my social networking into Facebook and Twitter. I use Facebook strictly to keep in touch with friends (Allison, I think your conversation rule is a good one) and Twitter for relentless plugging of my writing and editing. I guess I should have a "fan" page on Facebook too. It makes sense from a business perspective, but somehow the idea of trying to lure "fans" that way makes me squirm. The narcissism conundrum, as you say.
Such a brave new world! Wonder where it's all heading.
I've given this much more thought than I've ever wanted to give it!
I joined Facebook before I even had a book deal. My colleagues at Literary Mama convinced me to do it. So at first, it was just them. Then I found non-cyber friends, and added them. Then, slowly, the web started to widen. I'd get a friend request (usually via "friend of a friend" connection) and think, "Well, I don't really KNOW that person but really, what's the harm?" Then I'd get a more distant request and again, I'd think, well, um, I don't know why NOT I guess... especially since I just added So And So...
Before I knew it, I crossed a line and had to take down all my kids' pictures, which is a bummer because I would love for my college friends to see how cute my kids are.
So my problem is, the barn door is already open and the cows are in the field. If I tried to direct my professional stuff into a fan page and only have real life friends on FB, I'd have to "de-friend" lots of people. In theory, this would be "nothing personal" but how could I do this, really? I'm trying to imagine a reader (many of whom are also aspiring writers themselves) reacting to being 'de-friended' and asked to join a "strictly business" Fan page.
(Also, I TOTALLY cringe at suggesting people be fans of me. I know, I know, no big deal, but...it feels yuck.)
I wish I'd been more savvy in my earlier Facebooking days and established a better line for myself early on. But I didn't.
My solution for now is that Facebook is kinda like Twitter. It's a mix of personal and professional, but the personal stuff isn't VERY personal. It's mostly lightweight stuff about car trouble and whatnot. I just have to stop and think before I post.
This is such a great and timely question. I love both Facebook and Twitter (most likely because I'm one of those extroverted introverts). I learned when I was an editor that you should never say anything to anyone that you don't want repeated (especially repeated wrong) and to never ever ever say anything negative about another author or another book. So for the purposes of FB and Twitter, I tend to not say anything that I wouldn't say in an interview for a blog or newspaper. I have just one FB page, and I only share what I'm absolutely comfortable with a total stranger seeing/reading.
I seriously like knowing Emily Giffin's favorite song or what Jennifer Weiner had for breakfast or something funny your husband said, Allison. I think being carefully personal on FB and Twitter lets personalities shine through and allows a nice and real connection with both friends, colleagues and readers.
:) Melissa Senate
Hi Melissa. I believe we are Facebook friends. I also think we follow each other on Twitter.
Butting in to say, "carefully personal" is a beautiful way to describe it. It's exactly how I operate on Twitter/FB. I enjoy seeing the quasi-personal stuff as well. It's so dreary when someone only ever blathers about a book or business. It does take mental energy sometimes to walk this line, though, doesn't it? It's a very modern problem.
And, once in a while, you get a hecker from the peanut gallery who takes something relatively personal and is a jerkface about it. That's a bummer. Someone's always gotta ruin it for the rest of us.
Melissa captures it well--trying to be open and careful at the same time on all social networking sites is a new challenge for all of us. Six or seven months ago, FB really took off among my classmates from high school & college, which changed it for me. Before, I'd been friends with lots of people I knew only through my book or blog world. But now it's mostly where I catch up with people I know, whereas Twitter is where I connect with other authors, or folks in the publishing world (or ESPN's The Sports Guy or David Pogue from the NYTimes). But I try to be careful on both, because about once a week someone quotes something I've posted or tweeted back to me in person, and I almost always think, "Wow, it never occurred to me that you'd see that..."
Thanks guys for weighing in! It's interesting (and reassuring) to know that this is something we've all thought about and something we all handle differently. Jillian - I agree that you do have to self-edit somewhat, BUT, again, I just feel like Facebook is the one place where I don't want to have to expend that mental energy, as Kris said. It's sort of where I go to zone out when I need a breather - I don't know if I'm explaining that well - so I don't want to have to be as aware of my self-editing. Also, I geniunely like seeing what my friends are up to, and if I accepted all of the friend requests, so many of the people I actually DO know would get lost in the shuffle. Yeah, I know there's that "hide" button, but again, that sort of gets back to my initial rule: if I have to hide your updates, what's the point of being friends on there anyway? :)
Kris - I feel your pain. When I first joined FB, I too, didn't even consider how to handle things, and now, I mean, the whole "unfriending" thing feels weird. One thing I will do, however, is occasionally run through my friend list, and if I see people who I really DON'T know AND who have a gajilion friends and only use it for promotion (which, as I said, I'm not interested in), I'll unfriend. I figure these people don't take it personally becuase it's really a business outlet for them.
One more note: as I just said, when I first joined FB, I friended any and all. And I WILL say that some of these readers who friended me have actually become "virtual friends" who company/updates I enjoy very much. So I can see that side of it. I just...ugh...I don't know! Too much mental energy required to find the right balance!
I also did the "fan page" on facebook because I didn't want people I barely knew to see my personal information on facebook. There aren't very many fans on there yet, but I'm hoping that will change as I build up my platform.;) I do think it's a very important thing to do though, because the internet has more ties than we could ever have on our own, and it's best to make the most of those ties! And then, of course, we can always have everything linked to our blog, so that everyone can keep tabs on what we're up to!
Allison, I totally agree! It's hard to draw the line and I don't want to unfriend. One thing you can do(which I just did today!) is put all your book/blog fans and networking friends into a "group" and then adjust your privacy settings for that group. For instance, when you post an album with your kids, just go to "customize" and block that group of friends from seeing the photos.
Anyway, great post! xoxo